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The mismatchers

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Hey guys,

More and more these days you are seeing people, both men and women,

consumed by the cultural myth of “true love,” arrogantly proclaiming
they are the ones who are going to find their “soul mate,” also
known as THE ONE, while implying others will not.

They have in the front of their minds a very clear picture of what

“the one” looks like and acts like, and they know exactly how they
feel in the presence of the one, a feeling that will, of course,
last forever and ever and ever.

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So off they go, desperately searching for THE ONE and True Love,

meeting many others who are also searching for THE ONE and True
Love.  And, inevitably there is a meeting of the minds, the
creation of “chemistry,” intense feelings of attraction, and an
announcement that THE ONE has been found and True Love has been
achieved (with the implication they are superior to others because
they found it and others did not).

Then time starts to pass, and a funny (and predictable) thing

occurs.  The one they thought was THE ONE doesn’t quite behave like
THE ONE they have planted firmly in their minds.  Not only that, as
time passes, the feelings of chemistry start to attenuate, which
clearly does not happen when one finds True Love (since True Love,
by definition, lasts forever).

There is a mismatch between reality and belief, and that always

produces friction and resentment…and those kill the feelings of
attraction even further, as well as making the case that this is
not, in fact, True Love, because True Love is pure bliss.  And
they realize that the THE ONE is merely the Next One, and that
they have not, in fact, discovered True Love, the problems start,
and the inevitable nasty breakup occurs.  The both go off to find
Real True Love and the REAL ONE.  The cycle repeats, the years
pass, and suddenly they are older, jaded, and bitter.

The issue here is the mismatch, the looking for an ideal that can’t

exist, and certainly can’t exist in two people’s minds exactly the
same way at the same time.  

However, if you have a look at those couples who are still together

and happy, they followed a different process.  They weren’t
“looking” for anything, merely met each other, enjoyed each other’s
company, and kept spending time together because they did.  

After a period of time, both realized they enjoyed what they had,

and decided to formalized what already existed.  There was no
mismatch because both experience the same thing the same way,
decided, “hey, this is cool, let’s continue with it for as long
as we enjoy each other’s company.”

They lasted because they made decisions based on a reality they

both experienced, not an ideal created by cultural myth that cannot
possibly exist.  That is how things work in the real world, a
classic case of “you don’t always get what you want, but sometimes
you find…you get what you need.”

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On with the fun,

-John Alanis

“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”

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PPS Questions?  Comments?  Send them to

Oh, and hey, forward this email to your friends, too—don’t

leave them out of the fun!

Copyright, Art Of Steel, Inc.  MMXV

This email is protected by copyright, MMXV, Art Of Steel, Inc.
All right reserved. Reproduction in any form of any
portion of this email is strictly prohibited without the
express written consent of Art Of Steel, Inc. and John Alanis,

John Alanis
Art Of Steel, Inc.  
4424 Gaines Ranch Loop #1035
Austin, TX 78735, USA
512 892 8839 Phone

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