“A man dressed as a woman robbed a local pharmacy.” Those were the words, spoken by a female newscaster without a hint of a smile, that headlined the six o’clock news. These are truly words of failure like; the parachute didn’t open, honestly she’s just a friend, or I didn’t know it was loaded. While it is true that I seldom, okay never until now, give advice to would be robbers, there is just so much to say about this botched effort at a life of crime. It is painfully clear that this incompetent thief needs to understand the importance of job preparation.
To state the obvious, if your attempt at disguising yourself as a woman is so bad you are immediately recognized as a man, you should just don a trusty ski mask and be done with it. You need to realize that a cross dressing robbery, like many jobs, requires careful preparation which should be completed prior to beginning the job. It is quite difficult to make disguise changes during the middle of a hold up. “Excuse me while I change wigs,” or “Is this lipstick my color?”, are really not good things to say while pointing a pistol at someone’s head.

July 9th, 2011
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